Pass the Mic

Ask your biggest questions and concerns of the day and share ideas and solutions and inspirational moments from the day.

Transcription:

Meg McKeen (00:06):

So anything that you want to keep going, let's keep the conversation flowing. I am going to share to get us started, I'll take the bait. I made my new five friends. I made a lot of friends today and actually got to meet some internet friends that I'd never met before too, which is fun. Carmen, Jasmine, Stacy, Kim, and Eric. It was very nice to meet you today. Thanks for the warm welcome. Couple of you messaged me on the Arizent app and let me know that you really liked the breath work. Thank you. That was not part of the script, but is something that I find fun and super helpful. Our breath is a technique or a tool rather that we bring with us everywhere we go. So let's not forget to use it and be intentional about it. And one of you shared that you have found a private hiding spot here in the building for times when it just felt like it was too much.

(00:59)

And I love that it gave you the chance when we got started to do what you needed to do with this day. And I love that you did that and sometimes that is nothing and checking out a little bit. So kudos to you for feeling that feeling in your belly and leaning into it. I think that's really brave and honest, which is what we're hoping for in a room like this. Who wants to get us started? Heather is at the ready. She's got her microphone reflections questions. This is a really good time. You've got a lot of knowledge and a lot of experience in this room and I encourage you to use it. Who would like to kick us off?

Audience Member 1 (01:43):

Hey, thanks to everybody who I was able to talk to today. What I took away from almost every single panelist is if you don't tell them they don't know. And I actually raised my kids with that and it was amazing to hear it in a professional setting. If you don't tell them they don't know. I think Valerie said, tell your boss what you want to do because if you don't tell him her it, they don't know. Tell your family what's going wrong in your job because if you don't tell them they don't know, tell your friends what's going right in your job. So that was just a constant refrain and we will benefit from just speaking about what's going on in our lives to people in our lives who would probably like to hear it. Thank you.

Meg McKeen (02:41):

Beautiful. Thank you. Thanks for that. Saya. Do you have any sort of a reflection on the old asking for what you want? Asking for what you need?

Saya Hillman (02:51):

Yeah, actually, can I put you on the spot and you tell me your name so I don't call you? You. What's your name? Audrey. Audrey, okay, Audrey. So you said that so poetically and beautifully and concisely, something, I am trying to work on this tangent over here, but what I love about it and what I wanted to put back in your lap and ask you to expound on is I, you said it so simply and I'm sure that you know it's not a simple action to take. So I was just curious if you have any advice, tips, insight. I love that you said you teach your kids this concept already. It is a simple phrase and I think a lot of things I said today, they were simple phrases, but we all know that they are not simple actions. So for those of us that might struggle with what you said, any insight that you could share how it's been, maybe how you've made it easier for you to do?

Speaker 2 (03:50):

Sure.

Audience Member 1 (03:54):

If you don't tell them, whoops, they don't know. Whenever I'm feeling blocked inside, this is a very emotional right brain sort of thing. If I'm feeling blocked or gee, I wish they could only understand that what I meant was well dirt, that's on me. If I don't tell them they don't know. And if I wish they could only understand, well then I should be telling them or explain like loaded. But you all know what I mean. It's shortcut. I should be explaining with mindfulness around the listen, I mean all of that. But let's shorthand to telling them if I don't tell them they don't know. And so to implement that, I'm having an internal company discussion right now around branding and I thought that my ideas were consistent with my employer's ideas. And so we went along in parallel silos of oblivion, each thinking that the other entity got it. And then we really didn't understand, so now it's on me because I didn't tell them and they didn't know. And I hope that answers what you were looking for.

Saya Hillman (05:10):

I love, yeah, I love that. A lot of times we assume and a lot of times we assume incorrectly and there's miscommunication and that can lead to, I know one of my personal flaws is letting things fester without addressing the problem and then blowing up months later, a year later, you did this thing a year later. Why I didn't tell them? Right? So yeah, I think I love that you said it so simply and so concisely, but we all recognize it as a complex issue both personally and professionally I think.

Meg McKeen (05:43):

Yes. And thank you for being first. Thank you for going first. I want to layer on a little bit more to that, asking for what you want and what you need. I don't know about anybody else, but my mind never goes to a good place when I have these imaginary conversations in my head. I always assume the worst. It's dark in there at times. And so I think so many times the answer is communication. It's having the hard conversation. We talked about that earlier today. And then being okay with the outcome. Can you be okay that it might not be good news, but what if it was? And that's the part I struggle with is the upside, the glass half full, if you will, because that's not what I've been practicing up to this point in my life. Who would like to go next? I think y'all are kind of seeing how this is happen. Well,

Saya Hillman (06:32):

Heather's running to the back. One quote that has always stuck with me to go off what you just said, Meg, is the movie playing in your head is almost always a gazillion times worse than reality. We make it so much worse. And if you just do it, you will see actually a lot of times it's not that bad, whatever it is. And oftentimes it's a good thing. So the movie in your head is oftentimes so much worse than reality. So let's get to that reality. Let's stop playing that movie.

Audience Member 2 (07:02):

Hi. So I took a lot of notes in this conference and one of the things that really resonated with me is don't make anyone 10 feet tall. We all add value, we all matter. And I think the adjectives that come to mind are be mindful, be intentional, and be fearless and in pursuit in leadership because we as women, we second guess ourselves and we undermine ourselves and find a good support group within your company because that really does help. So that's what I wanted to share today.

Saya Hillman (07:36):

Again, I love that.

Meg McKeen (07:39):

I'd also challenge, you might have to go outside your company to find your support group and sometimes that can be really valuable. As a personal aside, S is someone I've been fortunate to know for several years. I left the corporate world many years ago and started my own business. And Saya has been a great friend and mentor to me. She has nothing to do with insurance. I fed her all that information that she talked about. You supposed I'm spilling all the secrets.

Saya Hillman (08:06):

Eta, how do you say it?

Meg McKeen (08:08):

We'll leave it there. Okay. But my world expanded greatly when I looked outside the four walls that I'd been working in. And I just challenge us to keep thinking differently about work and our relationship with work and how we're showing up and the information that we're taking in and the sources of that information. There's a lot of knowledge in the industry, but there's a lot going on outside it and we'll be better for marrying the two. So I love that reflection on your part too. Who else? What else?

Audience Member 3 (08:40):

Thank you. Hey everybody. I just wanted to add one thing to this conversation about communicating and if you don't tell them, people don't know as well as pulling in Meg, the theme that you were discussing, which is sometimes the story in my head is kind of terrifying. One of the best tools I have found for that exact instance, which can then also help teach me that the facts are often positive is a Brene Brown quote who I just revere. But her sort of framing for that is the story I'm telling myself is, and then fill in the blank, whatever terrifying thing you think is going to happen because sometimes putting words to it A makes it less scary. And B allows the person that you're speaking with to also hold it lightly and respond in the way of like, oh, that's not what's going on for me at all. In fact, it's this. And you can get to a different point in communication and I just share that in this group because it's actually a very vulnerable thing to do to acknowledge the story you're telling yourself. But framed in that way, that can be a really good way of connecting with others and creating the space for some of those honest and vulnerable communications that can help get you, your company, your team, whatever to the place that you really want to go.

Meg McKeen (10:15):

Hey, Meg, can you keep that microphone in your hands? I want to ask you to go a little deeper. I know you can.

Meg McKeen (10:22):

Yep. Nope. So what do you do when you are the person who is needing the other person to go deeper and to meet you in that vulnerable spot? And they are not willing, they don't have the self-awareness, they are not on the same journey. Let's say that you are on, and I see this often in the corporate space where we've got maybe an individual contributor who's really struggling with a leader and they're just not getting it. So from your perspective, any wisdom, any tactical, how do you start to have a different kind of conversation in moments like that?

Audience Member 3 (11:01):

I mean, that's a great question. I don't know that there's an easy answer. I think my go-to is the obligation is on the leader to model the way and to show up and be vulnerable. It is much safer for an individual to do that if they feel like they're in a comfortable place where the other person in that conversation is willing to not just meet them there, but actually lead them there, do it, put something risky on the table and also be okay if they don't share, right? They may not share in the moment. And so keep making the space so that when the stars align or the time is right or that moment occurs to them, that they do take the initiative to do it. And then this is probably the most important, hear them and acknowledge, don't judge, don't offer an opinion. Don't jump in and give advice or point the way. Just acknowledge like listen. Because I think the hardest thing is if an individual who has struggled to do some of that does it and it's shut down or redirected or used to explain something they're doing wrong, they will then never be vulnerable again. So I don't know. That's off the cuff the way I think about it.

Meg McKeen (12:57):

You answer. I love it. Thank you. That was great. Thanks.

Saya Hillman (13:00):

As all of you saw this morning, I have no problem TMI probably have a problem, TMI. But I will say, and this I'm completely honest here, you know that I am not going to lie to you. I'm going to tell you the truth. Every single instance that I have shared something vulnerable about using a plunger, having stretch marks, whatever it is, I've never regretted, never ever personally or professionally, I have never regretted being vulnerable because a lot of what she just talked about, it is infectious and addictive. When people, you set that tone right, when the speaker, the leader, the whomever shares something that maybe most people would say, oh, you should keep that under wraps. The amount of people that then come up to you and share whatever they feel comfortable sharing. Maybe not to the level of your TMI but baby steps, right? And it is just a beautiful thing to see this beautiful infectious disease of vulnerability and empowerment and community and all these themes that we have talked about today. They're all interconnected and it's just beautiful to see a group of people. I can't tell you how many of y'all came up to me today and started spewing. And I mean that in the best way possible, spewing your stories. And that's exactly why we do what we do, I think. Right.

Meg McKeen (14:18):

Patti, do you have anything to add? I don't want to include you. No, I know you're here to talk D E and I, but you've got a whole lot more to talk about too.

Patricia L. Harman (14:26):

No, what I will say is that I hope that you all understand the value of being involved in a conference like this. I've had the privilege of doing it in a number of different industries and what we can learn from each other in this setting, especially what you were saying about being vulnerable and sharing too much, that is where the learning takes place. It's in that being authentic and really sharing, this is what happened to me, this is what this looks like. And so I hope that if you all don't take anything else back with you, is that you've really been able to see the benefits of being who you are, letting that shine and not being apologetic about it in the least little bit.

Meg McKeen (15:10):

Yes. I love that. That's great. We can clap for that. Thank you.

Meg McKeen (15:16):

Who else has something on your mind and wants to share? Anybody? Anybody?

Speaker 2 (15:25):

Oh, there we go.

Audience Member 4 (15:35):

First of all, it's terrifying to have the mic. You can do hard things.

Audience Member 4 (15:40):

I know. I love that. We've talked so much about authenticity and being our own weird creative individual selves, and it is something that I feel like has been changing in the insurance industry over the past couple of years. And so I'm just very thankful to be, you said we could say whatever we wanted. So I'm very thankful to be in a room with individuals talking about our individuality and embracing that. I think it's really awesome. You brought up joining a committee to find your people. You can also, within the confines of your company, if you can create a committee, you would be amazed at the amount of support that is probably out there from individuals like yourself that come to conferences like this and learn about themselves, and they want to do this more on a local or a consistent basis. So if you're able to create a committee, if one doesn't exist of like-minded individuals who want to, or different individuals, right?

(16:39)

Perspective, different perspectives, who want to do that, that's great. I did that two years ago. I created a group called Leading Ladies because during covid I saw that there was an opportunity for us to get together and talk about things that we're working and weren't because we were no longer in the office together, we were remote. And that opportunity went away and I thought, I want this. I missed this collaboration. How can I get these people together? And so I just used my local group of people that I knew and created a group of five individuals. It has grown over the past couple of years to now over 70 members of just leaders within what I do, the type of operations that I do. It's kind of specific to our niche, but it has grown and grown and grown because the more people that hear about it and they hear about the transformative stories and we're talking about vulnerable things and were together, especially in these smaller group situations, they felt safe in seen and heard and ways that they weren't getting in their daily lives at work. And so I would challenge you if something like that doesn't exist in your organization, that you raise your hand and you say, how can I help bridge this gap so that people feel heard and loved and supported like you were today? They hear these messages so.

Meg McKeen (18:00):

Yeah, I love it. I love it. We know we know each other. I love it and I support it fully. I also want to acknowledge there's a term that I've been noodling on. The algorithms do what they do. It's called emotional labor, and it's not unique to women, but we tend to do more of it in the workplace. And that is picking up the loose ball when no one else does it and adding yet another thing to our plate. And so sometimes the work that you're talking about doing, which is work, it takes work to put meetings together to get people to join to find the book that you're going to read or the speaker that's going to come in. Many people are doing that in addition to the work that we are being paid for doing. And so sometimes it's an ask of our companies, will you invest in women in this way?

(18:52)

And will you change my job description accordingly so that it now includes this extra lift? That's the other part of this conversation that we need to be having as we continue to grow and evolve in the ways that we're supporting all the individuals as we're showing up every day for work. So I love that you've got a path to monetization, if you will, for that. And I think that's the other thing to be thinking about is it's good to have a generous heart and I don't want to lose that, but we don't need more to do. We don't. A lot of us are sitting at the brink of burnout and we're looking for things that we can delegate. We talked about that today too. So thanks for letting me have a little rant in response to your rant. Does anybody else have anything to add on that topic or something else? We've got a couple more minutes with you. We've got it. Yeah, over there. Hang on for the mic so we can all hear you.

Audience Member 5 (19:47):

Hello. I'm going to share the breakout session today. The one I intended was by Robin Barsky with the insurance recruiter, which I thought it was fantastic. I think all of us that were able to join it, it was just a really good learning, real life playing through. So I'll share for those of you that weren't able to join, it just kind of the key takeaway I had from it, which was Robin shared something. She said, we speak in words, but we think in pictures, which I was like, oh, that makes sense. And kind of what resonated or what I thought of at first when she said that was I thought of Jesus. So for even folks that aren't religious, you think about the book of the Bible, Jesus, or to teach a lesson, he would tell a story, an engaging story to illustrate the point.

(20:37)

So that's kind of what resonated with me. And I thought that's so true. And the way she tied it back to perfecting your pitch, which was the session, was whether we're interviewing for a job pitching ourselves, or maybe we're pitching an idea where we want to allocate budget to this, or we want resources to go over here, so we have to make that pitch, or we're selling like a product. You really want to value proposition yourself or that idea or that product with the outcome first. So there are lots of beautiful words, for example, that we used to describe ourselves, oh, you should hire me because I'm reliable, I'm dependable, I'm innovative, I'm a strategic thinker. I'm awesome. Those are words, they're nice words, but they're words. So instead tell the story, tell the outcome. So this is the result I did to drive the bottom line. Illustrate that story. And then you don't have to say all of those nice fluffy words because they're inherent in that story that you told and how you positioned yourself.

Meg McKeen (21:38):

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah.

Saya Hillman (21:43):

I'll add to that. You heard me talk about improv earlier today, and so many of you have been coming up and me telling me that you actually have already taken improv classes. Yay. But I would say story. I always think improv and storytelling, if there are two art forms that I think can really help you both personally and professionally in many of the ways that relate to what you just said about you want to be sticky, you want to be memorable, right? Both personally, if you're dating, you want to be memorable. If you're meeting a client, potential client, you want to be memorable. And I think storytelling is such a great way to get to that point where you do stick out and you are more than just adjectives. And if you, again, this goes back to the vulnerability. If you share stories and if you let people peek inside who you are as opposed to just being a list of adjectives, I think you will have a better chance of being that sticky person in a good way. So love that. You brought up storytelling totally in the bag for a storytelling.

Meg McKeen (22:42):

I think. Yes, yes to storytelling, So powerful. I love a good story. I can listen to stories all day long. However, it can feel like a big leap off a mysterious cliff when you start talking about vulnerability. And it is something that is not easy for everyone, and it's not accessible for everyone based on our own experience. Maybe we've been vulnerable in the past and it's come back to bite us in the, you know what? Or maybe we've been in environments where it wasn't safe to be vulnerable, and I respect all of that. And maybe your first attempt at being vulnerable is not in the workplace because there could be consequences if your vulnerability is received by the wrong person at the wrong time. So practicing vulnerability, which sounds so mechanical, but it is a choice to show up differently. It's a choice to use the word plunger on a stage when many of us would be mortified to talk about anything along those lines in public or with another human.

(23:42)

But you don't get there overnight, and it does take practice, and it takes surrounding yourselves with people who will meet you there in those vulnerable moments. They're certainly out there. This is a time, and this is not a statistical thing, it's just observation in the work that I do, but authenticity, vulnerability, transparency, those are all the top skills of leaders these days and being strategic and being quantitative and all of that. Yes, that's important too. Women really thrive in that vulnerable, authentic, transparent space. A lot of us don't have to work really hard to get there. And so now we've got this market demand for those skills. And guess who can meet it? We're here. We're already here. So maybe it's just dialing it up a little bit or practicing a little bit more, but I think this is our time, ladies. I feel that confidently.